baby – Melissa Verwey

A lot has changed since I last sat down to write a blog post. If you are new to my website, typically my focus is exclusively on travel, acting, or some other wild adventure that I can’t wait to share with you.

In honor of Mother’s Day, today’s entry is on a whole new adventure. One that I didn’t know I needed. One that I didn’t (and still don’t) know a whole lot about…

Early motherhood.

Below is a share of some things I didn’t know.

I didn’t know I could love like this

A tiny human, a stranger who occupied space in my body for 41 weeks, melted my heart from day 1. Minute 1. It was instant love. I immediately wanted to hug her, kiss her, hold her, console her, and protect her. Due to my C-section, I’d have to wait before doing any skin-to-skin, so instead, I cried. Tears of joy, of love, tears that I didn’t even know I was holding in.

I didn’t know I could be so proud of a scar

Having a C-section was not a part of my birthing plan. But since it was the best and safest option, it became the only option. Every time I see it, touch it, or reference it, I’m flooded with all the memories of her birthday, and I wouldn’t want it any other way.

I didn’t know how hard it would be

To all the Moms in my life… family, friends, coworkers, acquaintances, heck, even the women I walked by in the parking lot with two toddlers in tow… I applaud you. The long nights of inconsolable crying. The juggling act of attempting to be productive, with time-consuming feeding sessions, and squeezing in spontaneous naps. The struggles and worries of not knowing if I’m doing it right or getting it all wrong. The overwhelming moments where the smallest challenge can feel like a strenuous climb to the top of Everest. I now see it and I’m sorry I didn’t offer more support when you were at this point.

I didn’t know I was so emotional

I look at her and a rush of emotion passes through me. An abundance of all-consuming love. Her tiny fingers clasp my old tired dry hand and it takes all my strength not to fall apart. To anyone who knows me, It’s no secret that I was emotional before (I can’t even start certain movies or TV shows without the waterworks springing out in the first few minutes, looking at you ‘PS I love you’, ‘This is us’, and ‘The Art of Racing in the Rain’) but now just opening a container of yogurt and my eyes can turn into faucets.

I didn’t know how much of a superhero my husband is

The unplanned C-section put a bit of a damper on my recovery plan. Being restricted in the hospital and then even more so at home for the next few weeks was not ideal. Luckily I’m blessed to have such a helpful husband. I always thought my husband would make a great father, but now I see it. I see how he has naturally evolved into an all-star Dad. How he carefully cradles our newborn daughter, gracefully rocks her to sleep, easily and effortlessly feeds her, plays with her, and willingly changes diapers (no matter what their content – and there is some nasty content) while talking to her and admiring her adorable smile. I’m surprised each day by a new level of cuteness and could not be more proud.

I didn’t know that my priorities would change

Before my daughter, I was a bit of a neat freak. I literally could not sit still. I could not rest if the sink had dirty dishes in it or if the dryer had a load ready for folding. Now I’m learning that in the big scheme of things, chores are not the most important. The cuddles and precious moments with our baby outweigh the neverending list of things to do. Don’t get me wrong, we are still running the dishwasher and taking out the trash (it does have dirty diapers in it after all). But now I don’t mind if the laundry sits there for just a little while longer while I’m enjoying a cuddle session. It will always be there and will always need to be done, but my baby will grow up and one day leaves the nest. Time will pass sooner than I want it to. So every second counts and cuddling is precious.

Lastly, I didn’t understand what my Mom went through… until now

My Mom is one tough badass with the softest and most gentle heart. She has faced her fair share of challenges, overcomes numerous obstacles, and all leading her to the beautiful woman she is today. Now more than ever I am so grateful for her love and care. It’s not easy raising a baby, and I certainly didn’t make things easier on her. I have regrets. I’ve made mistakes. I now know, and am so full of love for all the sacrifices she’s made.